It has been about seven months since I last decided to dust off the old keyboard and share my thoughts on well, anything. I reckon this would be a good place to start, don’t you?

Having started a new school and new role at the start of this academic year (September 2020) I was excited by the idea of getting my teeth into something new. At first, everything was fine, everything was going swimmingly – a little too swimmingly in fact – with students barely testing my resolve, a workload that appeared manageable and responsibilities that were catered to my strengths.

Like all good horror films, the music began to crescendo, the tension began to flood the air, one student after another began to contract the virus and were forced to self-isolate. Then the bubbles were hit, one group after another… but never a full class. So much so, we had to adopt this strange hybrid way of working; a little lesson plan here, a live lesson there, remote learning emails pitter pattering their way into my inbox.

All of which semmed doable, feasible, almost easy breezy… Before you say it, yes, it would be the right time for the evil nemesis cackle to echo through my naivety.

That’s when the intensity began to step up a notch, and then another notch and then another notch. Until all of a sudden, I had four members of my team off self-isolating, one of which was the Senior Leader for English, projectile vomiting me into the position of interim Head of Department until she was able to return. But the problem here was that there was no one to step up into my role, so I had to do both. It would be safe assume that I did not sleep that month – I lost nearly stone in weight with stress, I think I cried pretty much every day and swore a hell of a lot more than your average sailor. But I survived, and from some perspectives (rose-tinted I would hazard) I thrived.

My head was well and truly lodged firmly up my arse. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I spent the moments after the final bell crouched on the floor of my classroom not caring how many feet had trampled on this very spot. I found myself crumbling from the inside out, terrified that others could smell my failure like a pack of lions circling their prey. Not to mention the personal anguish I was facing all at the same time – when it rains, it bloody pours right? Christmas couldn’t come fast enough. But my fear was unfounded, a nasty little reminder of nipping imposter syndrome.

and then in struts Lockdown 3.0

Although my physical wellbeing may have been attacked by one too many crunchy Cheetos, I never felt more supported with my mental wellbeing and I genuinely have the current climate to thank for that. Like never before, we are putting a greater focus on how we are doing rather than what we’re doing, which has translated into a healthier work-life balance, for me at least.

Whereas before I felt like I had to work ridiculous hours to maintain that hard-working status, I now feel as though I have more autonomy to do the work at a pace and time that suits me. Yes, I have been working in the evenings but it’s because I am excited and motivated by the projects that I am completing rather than feeling drained by yet another unnecessary meeting.

I have once again, felt like I have bossed my job. I am creating and implementing new initiatives to support my department and help us thrive. I have taught myself how to create fully functioning, v-lookup beautified, trackers that allow us to monitor and intervene at all the right intervals.

I have finally got back to the purpose of why I do what I do, which is to provide students with every opportunity they deserve, making sure no door is closed too tightly, whilst ensuring that they put their own mental and emotional wellbeing at the forefront of their thoughts.

I positioned myself to remember that I am doing all I can, I am doing a good job and if in doubt, I have created a little folder in which I store all my ‘Thank You’ emails to remind myself that I am doing the best I can in tricky circumstances.

I suppose if there was one nugget of wisdom that I could share it would be that:

‘What we do is worthwhile, more so than we can ever know.’

Even down to the little check-in with that child that hasn’t logged on for a few days, or that silly little Bitmoji on your slides, or just getting up and online so that they can hear your voice – in which they can feel a tiny little bit of normality.

From one Scouser to another, from one teacher to another… WE GOT THIS.