At the beginning of my career I was told that I had to pick one of two routes, the academic route or the pastoral route… no pressure.

Now, I’m not the brightest crayon in the box and it takes me a while to master something properly so the idea that I had to quickly pick one route that would shape my career forever scared the life out of me. I loved the idea of heading a department, shaping a curriculum and driving a love for my subject but I couldn’t shake the fact that I just wasn’t clever enough to be considered an academic. All the Heads of Department I knew seemed like these high-flying, crazy-smart lifeforms and here I was having to reread Macbeth to figure out what the bloody hell was going on.

Then on the flip side of that there was the pastoral route, from the nurturing caregivers to the frightening enforcers. Neither of which sounded anything like me. At all.

So, sh*t. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t seem fit for either route. Was that it? My teacher career over before I’d even begun?

Then I meet @AimeeCasson – the most unbelievably brilliant leader I have ever had the privilege to meet, and now call a friend!

Aimee was my very first Head of Department after I finished my training, and by God was she both inspiring and frighteningly intelligent all at the same time, so much so I would spend my time trying to memorise the words she had just said, so I could look up their meanings later on. She gave me the opportunity to shadow a KS3 leadership role, which was where I developed my love for the curriculum and the intricate design of teaching. I began to understand that I was intelligent in my own right and that I wasn’t the only one unable to read Shakespeare, like University had led me to believe. We had ‘wow’ moments and ‘oops’ moments during meetings, giving me the confidence to share my mistakes and victories. She encouraged me to complete a Masters in Education – which I did.

My MEd ended up being less about the academic achievement of the students and more about overcoming economical disadvantages. I became obsessed. Obsessed with the idea of eliminating barriers to success, of understanding the whole child and catering to their individual needs, of recognising and challenging unconscious bias. I started to lean towards the idea of becoming a pastoral leader. I was constantly reminded that behaviour was a poisoned chalice, but I couldn’t help but be drawn nearer by its siren’s call. In the end, I applied for the role of Deputy Achievement Coordinator (aka Deputy Head of Year) and was successful. I loved it and I loved the AC I worked with – his no-nonsense attitude helped me to develop my own style towards dealing with behaviour and attitudes.

Clearly, I had chosen my route. Clearly, pastoral was for me. But then I took a job as Assistant Curriculum Leader for English. Why not.

Let’s be clear here, this wasn’t accidental. This wasn’t a job I just stumbled across. It was a job I actively sought out. Everything about the role gave me goosebumps and filled me with excitement. I did a bloody good job too; I redesigned a big chunk of the curriculum, created the majority of the SOLs where there were none and developed a process for SOL design that was embedded whole school.

So, at this point it is safe to say I’m definitely academic. Right? Well…

About a year after settling in as ACL, I was approached about a position in dealing with Pupil Premium students. It was here that I carved out my own role as Pupil Premium Leader, a kind of deputy to the Senior Leader responsible for this area. It was in this role that I felt like I was the best version of my teacher-self, at first. I was getting things done, impacting change on a grander scale, monitoring progress, influencing the lives of our young ones. But then, as Senior Leaders changed and more ownership was placed on my doorstep, it became apparent that this was too big a task for just a Middle Leader.

I wanted to shape the way we did things, but it was under the supervision and guidance of those who had slightly different priorities and vision to mine (none of which were bad or wrong, just different). My role became difficult, I felt redundant – even though I knew I wasn’t. Then the pandemic hit, and everything had to change and fit into what the government said we needed to focus on.

So, when it came time to move back home, I had a choice: stay with the pastoral stuff and struggle to shape change on a middle leadership level or move back to the academic side of the coin and have the opportunity to shape the change I want to see and support people the way I knew best.

As you’ve definitely guessed, I moved back to Liverpool and back to the academic route, becoming Second in Charge of English.

It’s safe to assume here that I am rather indecisive about my desired career path. Yet, I know exactly where I want to be and how to get there, I just want everything else in the meantime. I want to develop my skills and interests in more than just one area. I want to force myself outside of my comfort zone because it is there that I am the best version of myself and the best leader I can offer.

A quick disclaimer: I don’t believe there is such things as the pastoral or academic routes. We just teach. It’s as simple as that. We can’t be effective leaders if we don’t harness both – you can’t create a curriculum without considering the child in a holistic fashion and you can’t help the students to grow and develop as proper little individuals without considering their academic needs and achievements. Simple.